So just a few quick updates on my life as of currently. I'm moving!!! Wooooo!!! Moving into a friends place in the city. (Hopefully) Gotta meet with the landlord. Considering recent events between this landlords-wife and her. Shit went down and I don't know how its going to go considering friend has to talk to with the landlord about me moving in. So! It's all up in the air and I need to know within a week to organise me moving down. It's a freaking hassle and I want it to be done now.
Anyway. I have not a lot else to say. So I'll go for now, hope things are better in the morning, and I'm not so scattered.
Sunday, September 12, 2010
Friday, September 10, 2010
Hungry Hungry Hippo...I mean Games... (My pick of Book of the Year.)
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Hunger Games - Suzanne Collins
So...this book... Buy it now.
Look, I don't normally recommend books. Because I like to think that people are smart enough to tell a good book from a great book. To be honest, I didn't think I'd like this either. I picked it up in the 10 to 12 year old section at the local Target. Glanced at the cover, which is NOT the cover up there, its something a little more childish, roamed my eyes over the recommendation from Stephanie Meyer, (The WORST Author in todays publishing world.)...(I mean honestly, if SHE can get published, monkeys with feces-pens and using banana-leafs as paper can get published.)... Okay done... I was skeptical to say the least. I flipped it over, read the blurb which was minimal at best. Then saw Stephen Kings recommendation and thought, *Well that's conflicting...* Then, checked the price, bought it and thank GOD I did.
It's honestly a great read. Captivating, not whiny or self-indulgent. It tells a rather cinematic story and I can't believe it hasn't been noted for the excellence it is. I mean sure it should be classified as YA (Young Adult) fiction. But the story is quite mature and somewhat violent in places.
A quick summary: Katniss Everdeen is a young teenage girl living in a rundown coal mining district. District 12. There were 13 Districts and then The Capitol, after a rebellion years ago, the Capitol destroyed District 13 and as punishment to the rest of the Districts, they created the Hunger Games, where they pick 1 Boy and 1 Girl from each district, stick em in an arena and then tell them go kill each other. Last Wo/Man standing wins a great prize. Katniss goes into it. And we follow her throughout the Hunger Games.
It's a Trilogy and I recently picked up Catching Fire, the second of the series, Picture below...
Again a fantastic addition. The story doesnt slow down as much as you think it would throughout a trilogy. So yeah,
Go Buy this Book NOW!!
It recieves the coveted. Book of the Year award from me.
Thursday, September 2, 2010
To the Man on the Tram.
I don't know how to start this.
Your name eludes me. For I never asked it and I wished I had. Your image is burned in my mind and I can't shake it. You sat across from me on the Number 75 Tram running from Spencer St Station to Vermont South. And I believe you got on at stop Number 63, getting off at stop number 40.
I feel like an ass, like I'm just latching on for the sake of it. But something about this made me stir. Made me feel different, I don't know if you felt the same, or feel it now. But I think I would like to meet you, to understand you and who you are and where you came from and what you do. I don't expect anything to happen now. I had my chance and I ignored it thinking I was being foolish in my hopes.
I think that changed the moment we played the smile game. The game where if you connect eyes with someone more than 5 times and you smile on the 6th and they smile back, then it keeps happening. Then there's something there.
I dunno. I just think that perhaps. I'll see you again, and if that does infact happen then I assure you. I shall say something. I promise myself, and you. I promise that I will fight the urge to flee and fight the stuttering speech and the stuttering heart. This I promise.
Until I see you next, Man on the Tram.
- Matt.
Your name eludes me. For I never asked it and I wished I had. Your image is burned in my mind and I can't shake it. You sat across from me on the Number 75 Tram running from Spencer St Station to Vermont South. And I believe you got on at stop Number 63, getting off at stop number 40.
I feel like an ass, like I'm just latching on for the sake of it. But something about this made me stir. Made me feel different, I don't know if you felt the same, or feel it now. But I think I would like to meet you, to understand you and who you are and where you came from and what you do. I don't expect anything to happen now. I had my chance and I ignored it thinking I was being foolish in my hopes.
I think that changed the moment we played the smile game. The game where if you connect eyes with someone more than 5 times and you smile on the 6th and they smile back, then it keeps happening. Then there's something there.
I dunno. I just think that perhaps. I'll see you again, and if that does infact happen then I assure you. I shall say something. I promise myself, and you. I promise that I will fight the urge to flee and fight the stuttering speech and the stuttering heart. This I promise.
Until I see you next, Man on the Tram.
- Matt.
Thursday, June 17, 2010
Weight Loss, The New It Thing.
I've always been a big kid. The size of at least two average guys put together. Well thats not true, I'm 6ft 1in and WAS 95KG My max, in my haydays of weight gain, was just under 100KG. With little to zero muscle on my body I was *in my eyes* a blob. So I tried a multitude of fad diets, protein shakes and all that, meal replacements and so on and so forth.
But it brings me to now. I've always had these little spells of, "I'm just cuddly." And I make peace with my body. It last for a few days but eventually I'll spot a guy who is fit and I'll think "Wow, I'm totally attracted to him." Which inevitably brings on that feeling of "Well, if I'm attracted to him because of his shape, what must guys think of me?" It's a huge self-esteem issue too, I was picked on because of my size in primary school. And eventually with all these thoughts I figured. Fuck it, I'll just do the hard work.
So I used the exercise bike and my weights *gift for christmas* and I couldn't see much difference. But, about a month ago. My Mom bought Wii-Fit. And I decided to give it a go. I went from my 95KG to a 89.5KG in a few short weeks.
I haven't done anything differently, aside from change a couple of eating habits and here I am. A much more confident me, ALTHOUGH I would like to point out that my goal is 84KG Then I shall be happy. I hope. Heh.
Anyway, I guess what I want to say, is that it's not impossible, there are no quick fixes to weight issues. I mean, you can try the fad diets, Which do work. But once you're off them? What happens? You don't magically learn to eat less. If you want real results, get active, go for a walk everyday, dont eat less, or more just eat smarter. Get a gym membership, buy a treadmill DO SOMETHING.
They say 30 minutes of exercise a day is enough to lose weight. Providing you eat properly.
Nothing worth having comes that easy, and something like this? It's going to take a lot of work.
So get out there, get active and have fun, I didn't think I'd enjoy exercise and sure somedays I just don't want to do it. But most of the time, I feel twenty times better for doing something instead of just gorging myself.
But it brings me to now. I've always had these little spells of, "I'm just cuddly." And I make peace with my body. It last for a few days but eventually I'll spot a guy who is fit and I'll think "Wow, I'm totally attracted to him." Which inevitably brings on that feeling of "Well, if I'm attracted to him because of his shape, what must guys think of me?" It's a huge self-esteem issue too, I was picked on because of my size in primary school. And eventually with all these thoughts I figured. Fuck it, I'll just do the hard work.
So I used the exercise bike and my weights *gift for christmas* and I couldn't see much difference. But, about a month ago. My Mom bought Wii-Fit. And I decided to give it a go. I went from my 95KG to a 89.5KG in a few short weeks.
I haven't done anything differently, aside from change a couple of eating habits and here I am. A much more confident me, ALTHOUGH I would like to point out that my goal is 84KG Then I shall be happy. I hope. Heh.
Anyway, I guess what I want to say, is that it's not impossible, there are no quick fixes to weight issues. I mean, you can try the fad diets, Which do work. But once you're off them? What happens? You don't magically learn to eat less. If you want real results, get active, go for a walk everyday, dont eat less, or more just eat smarter. Get a gym membership, buy a treadmill DO SOMETHING.
They say 30 minutes of exercise a day is enough to lose weight. Providing you eat properly.
Nothing worth having comes that easy, and something like this? It's going to take a lot of work.
So get out there, get active and have fun, I didn't think I'd enjoy exercise and sure somedays I just don't want to do it. But most of the time, I feel twenty times better for doing something instead of just gorging myself.
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
Monologue
Parenthesis = Stage Direction. As it’s written for a stage production.
(A boy is partially obscured by a single spotlight, his body half in and half out.)
”It’s hard being me. Everything has become like a routine.”
”Admittedly, it wasn’t so predictable to begin with and I thrived on that ‘new’ and ‘exciting’ feel. But after a while things slowed down and that life I had was replaced by a dull repeating cycle. Especially because nothing after the day I came out was ever again as turbulent as that moment and the ensuing months.”
”You see, being trapped beneath an oppressive umbrella that is the ‘gay’ label; lead to some startling truths that I discovered of myself. I struggled at first because the expectation of my behavior that filtered down through the media and directly into the minds of my generation was not one I felt I associated with.”
(Pause as the young man steps into the light completely.)
I wasn’t feminine, or masculine. I didn’t like the color pink nor did I play sport. So what was I? I suffered long and hard over that question. But I was sure of one thing; I would never lose myself.”
”Eventually as I came to accept myself, my friends and family did too. I was told many, many times that I didn’t look ‘like one of those fags.’ It was as if no one had considered the possibility of a gay man that didn’t look like a more humanly proportioned and anatomically correct Ken Doll”
(He smiles and walks over to a lone bookcase and pulls out a photo album.)
But this isn’t about those people. They don’t matter, those people who can’t get over it don’t matter to me.
(Pause.)
There’s something about the camaraderie that comes with being gay. The topics are different, the conversations themselves are different. Straight people do not get it; Bi-Sexual’s definitely do not get it. Parents and Family in general do not get it. There’s a closeness, and I guess it helps to survive, well…that, and humor. We pride ourselves on our condescending and narcissistic wit. It’s our shell, our wall from the outside world and their attacks.”
(Young man snaps book shut and sits on the floor, his chin resting on his knees)
”I wasn’t fast enough to build that wall, that separation of emotions from reality. And if you don’t learn that, the anger and the hate that’s directed at you…It will eat you alive.
(Boy shuts eyes, sighs once and then stands to lean against the bookcase. The single spotlight splits into four shining on a square, each spot colored differently. One blue, one green, one red and one yellow.)
Those words, the slander, the insults, they don’t go anywhere; they stay in your head and echo.
(The blue spotlight shines brighter. And a voice calls out)
‘Stay the hell away from me you fag!’
(blue fades and green brightens. Girls voice )
‘People like you should go fucking die!’
(green fades, yellow brightens, voice sounding like an older male)
‘Don’t touch me you freak!’
(yellow fades, red brightens. Thick accented man)
‘You look at me one more time and I’ll kill you.’
(Silence. Spotlights fade into darkness and the young man is illuminated once more.)
…On Mondays, we go to the gym, out of the four of us I believe I’m the only one that goes just to workout. The other three spy on whatever wets their appetite, and trust me it varies daily. It makes me wonder why I’m expected to be a sexual deviant. Because I’m a man? Or because I’m gay? Or is it both?
On Tuesdays I have work with Thomas. Now he is the queen of queens. He’s a prickly bastard, barely shows any emotion. I’d liken him to an animal but even animals show sadness. No, he’s a cactus far to sharp to look at but at the very least interesting to look at.
Daniel used to be my best friend. He dances and actually has a boyfriend now. In that aspect I want to be like him. But he traded away his self respect to get his man. I don’t want to do that though. I enjoy every part of who I am, the cowardice, the bravery, every last contradictory trait I have are mine and mine alone.
There’s definitely the expectation that I should be fit. That I should be a ‘gym-bunny’ But why is that so? Who said I have to be ripped like a god? Yet I still find myself compelled to try. And in a way, I’m glad I did feel that compulsion, because it was on a Friday afternoon that I got my first taste of the unexpected.
I had asked the boys if they wanted to come with me to the gym that evening. Daniel had considered it for a moment before saying that he had a talent show to prepare for, otherwise ‘that bitch Sophia would win’ Thomas refused outright and Matt just shrugged. So I went alone. About ten minutes in I was puffing for and say down on the benches, apparently I forgot to put my water bottle in my gym-bag. I was about to go to the bubblers, feeling uneasy about public services like that, when I was handed a bottle by a stranger. He smiled at me with a second-hand grin.
”Thirsty?” He asked, his voice was barely understandable amidst a thick foreign accent. I resisted the temptation to point how obvious his question was and instead drank gratefully.
“Thanks…” I muttered and waited for him to leave, but he stayed. “Um…hi?” I offered. Again he smiled and claimed the seat next to me.
”I’m Mikel.” He said.
“Michael?” I repeated.
”No, Mikel. M-I-K-E-L” He spelt out. I ignored the stumbling words in my mouth and instead nodded. He started talking to me then, and I found myself a new gym buddy.
(Young man stops and sits down at the edge of the stage.)
I didn’t tell anyone. Mainly because I wasn’t sure how I felt. My Mum, whom had been distancing herself from me because of the whole ‘Gay’ issue, would reprimand me for talking to strangers. The boys would just grill me, and then probably steal him regardless of my interest. So I held my tongue. And waited until I saw him again on Friday.
On Monday, I didn’t say anything as I worked out alone. On Tuesday I didn’t say anything at work to Tom. On Wednesday I watched the talent show and missed the winners announcement, still I didn’t say anything.
On Friday, I dressed nicely. I normally didn’t have any muscles to show off, but my frequent trips to the gym were paying off. Sp I wore a grey singlet and a pair of light grey trackies.
He was waiting for me outside. “Hey Mikel” I called out. I was so happy, sickeningly so. He sort of frowned and beckoned me to the side.
”I must talk with you.” He said as we stepped into the shadows. “I’ve been told by my friends that you are gay?” I blinked furiously. I wanted to deny it, say it wasn’t true but how could I deny something that I had spent years pretending wasn’t true and had only just begun accepting it myself. It was a part of me.
So…I nodded.
He was silent, then hung his head, his shaggy hair masking his face. “I’m sorry, but I have to go.” And he did.
What was I supposed to do!? Tell him how I felt? Ask him not to leave? What the hell was I meant to do? Should I have lied? Deny one very important detail of who I was? Because I had fallen in lust? Was I being punished? Maybe God really did hate gays…
(Young man wipes eyes and composes himself)
Sometimes I think they are right. Those people that say nothing worth having comes easy. And I deserve to be happy. That’s what I’ve learnt, if I had to change myself for someone else, like Daniel, or cut off myself from what I felt like Tom, or sleep around to feel better about myself like Matt, then I wouldn’t be me.
I thought maybe I could give up a part of myself. But I, in a non-narcissistic way, love myself. I love every part of me. And while I may change my clothes, or my hair. Or an aspect of my body that I don’t like. I will always be the same story writing, alcohol drinking, gym going, food loving queer I am today. A long time ago, I wouldn’t have been okay with that. But after seeing the result of people denying themselves…put it this way, I could do a lot worse.
(pause)
Mikel taught me one thing, that sometimes the routine is better. Because the unexpected? Well, it can hurt like a bitch.
(A boy is partially obscured by a single spotlight, his body half in and half out.)
”It’s hard being me. Everything has become like a routine.”
”Admittedly, it wasn’t so predictable to begin with and I thrived on that ‘new’ and ‘exciting’ feel. But after a while things slowed down and that life I had was replaced by a dull repeating cycle. Especially because nothing after the day I came out was ever again as turbulent as that moment and the ensuing months.”
”You see, being trapped beneath an oppressive umbrella that is the ‘gay’ label; lead to some startling truths that I discovered of myself. I struggled at first because the expectation of my behavior that filtered down through the media and directly into the minds of my generation was not one I felt I associated with.”
(Pause as the young man steps into the light completely.)
I wasn’t feminine, or masculine. I didn’t like the color pink nor did I play sport. So what was I? I suffered long and hard over that question. But I was sure of one thing; I would never lose myself.”
”Eventually as I came to accept myself, my friends and family did too. I was told many, many times that I didn’t look ‘like one of those fags.’ It was as if no one had considered the possibility of a gay man that didn’t look like a more humanly proportioned and anatomically correct Ken Doll”
(He smiles and walks over to a lone bookcase and pulls out a photo album.)
But this isn’t about those people. They don’t matter, those people who can’t get over it don’t matter to me.
(Pause.)
There’s something about the camaraderie that comes with being gay. The topics are different, the conversations themselves are different. Straight people do not get it; Bi-Sexual’s definitely do not get it. Parents and Family in general do not get it. There’s a closeness, and I guess it helps to survive, well…that, and humor. We pride ourselves on our condescending and narcissistic wit. It’s our shell, our wall from the outside world and their attacks.”
(Young man snaps book shut and sits on the floor, his chin resting on his knees)
”I wasn’t fast enough to build that wall, that separation of emotions from reality. And if you don’t learn that, the anger and the hate that’s directed at you…It will eat you alive.
(Boy shuts eyes, sighs once and then stands to lean against the bookcase. The single spotlight splits into four shining on a square, each spot colored differently. One blue, one green, one red and one yellow.)
Those words, the slander, the insults, they don’t go anywhere; they stay in your head and echo.
(The blue spotlight shines brighter. And a voice calls out)
‘Stay the hell away from me you fag!’
(blue fades and green brightens. Girls voice )
‘People like you should go fucking die!’
(green fades, yellow brightens, voice sounding like an older male)
‘Don’t touch me you freak!’
(yellow fades, red brightens. Thick accented man)
‘You look at me one more time and I’ll kill you.’
(Silence. Spotlights fade into darkness and the young man is illuminated once more.)
…On Mondays, we go to the gym, out of the four of us I believe I’m the only one that goes just to workout. The other three spy on whatever wets their appetite, and trust me it varies daily. It makes me wonder why I’m expected to be a sexual deviant. Because I’m a man? Or because I’m gay? Or is it both?
On Tuesdays I have work with Thomas. Now he is the queen of queens. He’s a prickly bastard, barely shows any emotion. I’d liken him to an animal but even animals show sadness. No, he’s a cactus far to sharp to look at but at the very least interesting to look at.
Daniel used to be my best friend. He dances and actually has a boyfriend now. In that aspect I want to be like him. But he traded away his self respect to get his man. I don’t want to do that though. I enjoy every part of who I am, the cowardice, the bravery, every last contradictory trait I have are mine and mine alone.
There’s definitely the expectation that I should be fit. That I should be a ‘gym-bunny’ But why is that so? Who said I have to be ripped like a god? Yet I still find myself compelled to try. And in a way, I’m glad I did feel that compulsion, because it was on a Friday afternoon that I got my first taste of the unexpected.
I had asked the boys if they wanted to come with me to the gym that evening. Daniel had considered it for a moment before saying that he had a talent show to prepare for, otherwise ‘that bitch Sophia would win’ Thomas refused outright and Matt just shrugged. So I went alone. About ten minutes in I was puffing for and say down on the benches, apparently I forgot to put my water bottle in my gym-bag. I was about to go to the bubblers, feeling uneasy about public services like that, when I was handed a bottle by a stranger. He smiled at me with a second-hand grin.
”Thirsty?” He asked, his voice was barely understandable amidst a thick foreign accent. I resisted the temptation to point how obvious his question was and instead drank gratefully.
“Thanks…” I muttered and waited for him to leave, but he stayed. “Um…hi?” I offered. Again he smiled and claimed the seat next to me.
”I’m Mikel.” He said.
“Michael?” I repeated.
”No, Mikel. M-I-K-E-L” He spelt out. I ignored the stumbling words in my mouth and instead nodded. He started talking to me then, and I found myself a new gym buddy.
(Young man stops and sits down at the edge of the stage.)
I didn’t tell anyone. Mainly because I wasn’t sure how I felt. My Mum, whom had been distancing herself from me because of the whole ‘Gay’ issue, would reprimand me for talking to strangers. The boys would just grill me, and then probably steal him regardless of my interest. So I held my tongue. And waited until I saw him again on Friday.
On Monday, I didn’t say anything as I worked out alone. On Tuesday I didn’t say anything at work to Tom. On Wednesday I watched the talent show and missed the winners announcement, still I didn’t say anything.
On Friday, I dressed nicely. I normally didn’t have any muscles to show off, but my frequent trips to the gym were paying off. Sp I wore a grey singlet and a pair of light grey trackies.
He was waiting for me outside. “Hey Mikel” I called out. I was so happy, sickeningly so. He sort of frowned and beckoned me to the side.
”I must talk with you.” He said as we stepped into the shadows. “I’ve been told by my friends that you are gay?” I blinked furiously. I wanted to deny it, say it wasn’t true but how could I deny something that I had spent years pretending wasn’t true and had only just begun accepting it myself. It was a part of me.
So…I nodded.
He was silent, then hung his head, his shaggy hair masking his face. “I’m sorry, but I have to go.” And he did.
What was I supposed to do!? Tell him how I felt? Ask him not to leave? What the hell was I meant to do? Should I have lied? Deny one very important detail of who I was? Because I had fallen in lust? Was I being punished? Maybe God really did hate gays…
(Young man wipes eyes and composes himself)
Sometimes I think they are right. Those people that say nothing worth having comes easy. And I deserve to be happy. That’s what I’ve learnt, if I had to change myself for someone else, like Daniel, or cut off myself from what I felt like Tom, or sleep around to feel better about myself like Matt, then I wouldn’t be me.
I thought maybe I could give up a part of myself. But I, in a non-narcissistic way, love myself. I love every part of me. And while I may change my clothes, or my hair. Or an aspect of my body that I don’t like. I will always be the same story writing, alcohol drinking, gym going, food loving queer I am today. A long time ago, I wouldn’t have been okay with that. But after seeing the result of people denying themselves…put it this way, I could do a lot worse.
(pause)
Mikel taught me one thing, that sometimes the routine is better. Because the unexpected? Well, it can hurt like a bitch.
Friday, April 16, 2010
Shocking, I KNOW!
Well that was a surprise, a guy I used to know, and had a sort of something with. I use that term because there is no real way to describe it without getting into the nitty grits of it all.
But I went facebook lurking and found he had a new guy. I guess/hope a lot of people have those moments when an Ex, or a Something in my case, moves on, and granted it was about two years ago, and not to mention it was my fault it all stopped. So what could I expect? that he stayed hung up on it all and would never get over me?
Thats just a tad more selfish than I would have preferred. I could be jealous. Which I think I am. Because I'm at an impasse right now. Stuck in a small town for a year with recycled friends and no new experiences. All that I have left of a link to my friends is the internet.
But back to where I am right now which is a writers hell! It's not that it's bad. There's just nothing to talk about here. And the general male populace is either Super Camp Gay Guys. OR Mascu-Macho-Hetero-Heroes, that is = Straight.
I'd just like a spoonful of sugar, or failing that, a face-slap of new. If I think about it too much I can name any location/street of this town that I have bad memories, and they're constantly outweighing my good memories. Because those ones don't belong here, they all live in the places I've been outside this town. I used to think I was happy here, but I was just happy that I didnt have to move again.
I'm not happy here. I need to get out but how can I get out with no where to go to.
But I went facebook lurking and found he had a new guy. I guess/hope a lot of people have those moments when an Ex, or a Something in my case, moves on, and granted it was about two years ago, and not to mention it was my fault it all stopped. So what could I expect? that he stayed hung up on it all and would never get over me?
Thats just a tad more selfish than I would have preferred. I could be jealous. Which I think I am. Because I'm at an impasse right now. Stuck in a small town for a year with recycled friends and no new experiences. All that I have left of a link to my friends is the internet.
But back to where I am right now which is a writers hell! It's not that it's bad. There's just nothing to talk about here. And the general male populace is either Super Camp Gay Guys. OR Mascu-Macho-Hetero-Heroes, that is = Straight.
I'd just like a spoonful of sugar, or failing that, a face-slap of new. If I think about it too much I can name any location/street of this town that I have bad memories, and they're constantly outweighing my good memories. Because those ones don't belong here, they all live in the places I've been outside this town. I used to think I was happy here, but I was just happy that I didnt have to move again.
I'm not happy here. I need to get out but how can I get out with no where to go to.
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
Thesaurus Rape. A Public Awareness Announcment.
The young boy's lips parted softly as he exuded a sweet waft of life's breath into the surrounding atmosphere. The troposphere was clement, and droplets of saline sudor were forming on his alabaster brow. The man who was roosted abreast of him passed a hand gloved in obsidian leather across his own brow, and sussurated in exhaustion.
This. Is a sufferer of Thesaurus Rape. Dear readers, we have here a paragraph from a piece of fan-fiction regarding Final Fantasy 13. Now normally, considering it's a piece of Fan-Fic, I wouldn't even give it a second thought.
But it struck a chord. That could have been me, had I not been given the proper medical and educational help against this horrible affliction.
Let me start with a definition. Thesaurus Rape: Is the terrible affliction, where a writer, has a perfectly adequate paragraph/sentence. And then decides to swap every second word for a more...'appropriate' word..
Whilst I am tired. I'll post the rest of my rant tomorrow. Heh, Sorry guys... sleep beckons.
This. Is a sufferer of Thesaurus Rape. Dear readers, we have here a paragraph from a piece of fan-fiction regarding Final Fantasy 13. Now normally, considering it's a piece of Fan-Fic, I wouldn't even give it a second thought.
But it struck a chord. That could have been me, had I not been given the proper medical and educational help against this horrible affliction.
Let me start with a definition. Thesaurus Rape: Is the terrible affliction, where a writer, has a perfectly adequate paragraph/sentence. And then decides to swap every second word for a more...'appropriate' word..
Whilst I am tired. I'll post the rest of my rant tomorrow. Heh, Sorry guys... sleep beckons.
Sunday, March 14, 2010
Rum and 'Lavie'
Today's not going well. I woke up, and recent news re-told itself to my brain. And I shut the curtains, grabbed a shot glass and a put on Oren Lavie and pushed myself back into sleep. Where everything is just that much simpler.
I've been having a lot of dreams lately. All about dating people and being in relationships. I recently got out of one, and boy am I glad I did. I just don't think I was ready.
OR. At least thats what I thought to begin with. Turns out my subconscious thinks differently. Most of them are about people I know. One has been a complete random whom I have no recollection of. I sort of like to think that perhaps those dreams, with someone significant that you have never met, is a sort of fore-shadowing. Of something or someone you'll meet or see.
I guess it's just wishful thinking. Dreams just aren't like that. Most of the time atleast.
So, I'm in bed, eating chocolate that I found in my stash drawer. I keep forgetting the multitude of crap, food and other stuff, that I've put in there as a precaution to this kinds of days. Although this day, has hit harder than I thought it would. I guess it's the same for everyone.
...Just say when..
I've been having a lot of dreams lately. All about dating people and being in relationships. I recently got out of one, and boy am I glad I did. I just don't think I was ready.
OR. At least thats what I thought to begin with. Turns out my subconscious thinks differently. Most of them are about people I know. One has been a complete random whom I have no recollection of. I sort of like to think that perhaps those dreams, with someone significant that you have never met, is a sort of fore-shadowing. Of something or someone you'll meet or see.
I guess it's just wishful thinking. Dreams just aren't like that. Most of the time atleast.
So, I'm in bed, eating chocolate that I found in my stash drawer. I keep forgetting the multitude of crap, food and other stuff, that I've put in there as a precaution to this kinds of days. Although this day, has hit harder than I thought it would. I guess it's the same for everyone.
...Just say when..
Saturday, March 13, 2010
Effectively Raped by a Behemoth.
It's not okay to heave me into the air with a giant axe-blade mister Behemoth, no it is not. *sigh* - ragequit.
Anyway, on to more productive endeavors. Like blogging...Chyeah, like thats productive and all.
I suppose this can be a quick update of goings ons. So the job interview was unsuccesfful. The reply was something along the line sof, "Sorry we're looking for someone more experienced." I suppose I shouldn't be surprised, I mean I'm fresh out of highschool, with little more than a HSC under my belt, and it's a pretty high end, quality place. So I can understand.
That doesn't mean I'm not upset about it. For some reason I had thought I'd get lucky. Anyway. I can't do anything about it now.
I've been doing some Game Plot Writing with a mate of mine. Goes by the name of Fair Lady Charlotte...actually...It's just Charlotte, or Char really. Known her since my 7 Year old days. We've worked out a pretty awesome game so far. And hopefully with all the stuff worked out by, optimistically the end of this year, we'll send her off to a developing company and see how we go.
I'll post some snippets of plot, gameplay elements and character design I think. Get some feedback from my non-existant readership. *Sigh*
Anyway that's all for now, So Ill post again soon.
-
MLC
Anyway, on to more productive endeavors. Like blogging...Chyeah, like thats productive and all.
I suppose this can be a quick update of goings ons. So the job interview was unsuccesfful. The reply was something along the line sof, "Sorry we're looking for someone more experienced." I suppose I shouldn't be surprised, I mean I'm fresh out of highschool, with little more than a HSC under my belt, and it's a pretty high end, quality place. So I can understand.
That doesn't mean I'm not upset about it. For some reason I had thought I'd get lucky. Anyway. I can't do anything about it now.
I've been doing some Game Plot Writing with a mate of mine. Goes by the name of Fair Lady Charlotte...actually...It's just Charlotte, or Char really. Known her since my 7 Year old days. We've worked out a pretty awesome game so far. And hopefully with all the stuff worked out by, optimistically the end of this year, we'll send her off to a developing company and see how we go.
I'll post some snippets of plot, gameplay elements and character design I think. Get some feedback from my non-existant readership. *Sigh*
Anyway that's all for now, So Ill post again soon.
-
MLC
Thursday, March 11, 2010
My Hands: Them's broken!
Well they aren't...I just heard a song, called My Hands be Leona Lewis. Reason I heard it? It's apparently the theme for the english version of FF13. Haven't heard it in-game yet. But I probably will eventually. I'm almost at the end of the 2nd Disc. Which is depressing and exciting. I just don't want to finish. Although, with this boss battle. *Balthanders* I'm probably NOT going to be finished anytime soon.
Anyway, the point of this post today is to highlight, both Youtube/Forum Trolls and Fanboys.
I'll address the Trolls to begin with. I was looking for the song for fun. And I was listening to it. I found it nice, I'd have to hear it in the game to make a judgement on whether it suits or not.
What grated against me, incredibly so, was this commentor. I won't mention names, but he seemed to hate the song, and therefore HATE the game. I mean, I've seen douchey people on the net before and I don't really think much of it. But this struck me as odd, so among his comments, were calling the series of FF, a Sinking Ship. And that the vacating of Nobuo Uematsu killed the series. I get the idea of a composer, creating the music for series throughout its evolution leaving is a big deal.
But does that mean the game/series will surely die out because of it? I don't think so. I mean, what if the man had passed away? They will always have to change composers, whether or not someone leaves, or passses away. You can't expect something to stay the same forever. Especially in the gaming world.
Second, the guy on youtube, hasn't touched the new game. Instead, personally boycotting it because it lacks, the classic themes of N.U, and a huge free-sandbox type world.
I admit, I was a bit wary of a supposedly linear game. After playing it for over 20 hours, I can attest personally to the immersive story that pushes you along at such speed that you don't even realise/notice the linear nature of the game. And by the time your 25-30 hours in, you're released into a world grander and more open than anything I've ever seen.
Reviews for the game have been 8/10 or higher from almost every source I've seen.
He then compares the new game, to FFX-2, calling it girly and immature. I mean...what the HELL! He stated he hadn't played the game, then compares it to something? Isn't that a bit...I dunno...stupid? This guy needs a collective facepalm from the entire FF community.
For the record, I've never played a game, with such an in-depth, addictive, mature storyline. FFX-2-like? That's like comparing a 3-year olds painting with a Monet.... Honestly... Some people really tick me off...
I just wish people would give things a go before making an assessment. It's like guessing at an answer to a math problem without any basis for your answer.
Tch...Douchebags....
Anyway, my little angry vent is over for now.
Anyway, the point of this post today is to highlight, both Youtube/Forum Trolls and Fanboys.
I'll address the Trolls to begin with. I was looking for the song for fun. And I was listening to it. I found it nice, I'd have to hear it in the game to make a judgement on whether it suits or not.
What grated against me, incredibly so, was this commentor. I won't mention names, but he seemed to hate the song, and therefore HATE the game. I mean, I've seen douchey people on the net before and I don't really think much of it. But this struck me as odd, so among his comments, were calling the series of FF, a Sinking Ship. And that the vacating of Nobuo Uematsu killed the series. I get the idea of a composer, creating the music for series throughout its evolution leaving is a big deal.
But does that mean the game/series will surely die out because of it? I don't think so. I mean, what if the man had passed away? They will always have to change composers, whether or not someone leaves, or passses away. You can't expect something to stay the same forever. Especially in the gaming world.
Second, the guy on youtube, hasn't touched the new game. Instead, personally boycotting it because it lacks, the classic themes of N.U, and a huge free-sandbox type world.
I admit, I was a bit wary of a supposedly linear game. After playing it for over 20 hours, I can attest personally to the immersive story that pushes you along at such speed that you don't even realise/notice the linear nature of the game. And by the time your 25-30 hours in, you're released into a world grander and more open than anything I've ever seen.
Reviews for the game have been 8/10 or higher from almost every source I've seen.
He then compares the new game, to FFX-2, calling it girly and immature. I mean...what the HELL! He stated he hadn't played the game, then compares it to something? Isn't that a bit...I dunno...stupid? This guy needs a collective facepalm from the entire FF community.
For the record, I've never played a game, with such an in-depth, addictive, mature storyline. FFX-2-like? That's like comparing a 3-year olds painting with a Monet.... Honestly... Some people really tick me off...
I just wish people would give things a go before making an assessment. It's like guessing at an answer to a math problem without any basis for your answer.
Tch...Douchebags....
Anyway, my little angry vent is over for now.
Job Interview Success.
Well it wasnt a success, but it wasn't a failure. Heh, it went well is what I'm trying to say here. I enjoyed it tons, which is an odd admission. But anyway, they were very nice. A dark guy, about 5ft7. and a shorter, dark haired girl, pale skin. Both very attractive. They were friendly and all that. I was, of course, nervous as all heck.
So every second word out of my mouth was usually some sort of weird hybrid of two words because brain functionality was just not working. Anyway, eventually I relaxed, as does happen when people around you are relaxed. By the end of it all, they both said I did good.
Apparently, I said something good too, they asked me something like, "Why should we hire you?" I blanked and in the split second of silence I blurted out, "Because you need me." And that, worked rather well...apparently. But yeah, so their end comments.
Girl: "You relaxed alot by the end of it all, and to be honest, I like you."
Guy: "Yeah, you're very unique."
So good?
Yeah.
FF13 is causing me to cry a lot. *shameful face* I keep dying in the boss fights...friggin butt surf. I'm still loving it...but c'mon....fighting an Airship? What did they think would happen?!
Sigh....Anyway. I'm off to try it again.
So every second word out of my mouth was usually some sort of weird hybrid of two words because brain functionality was just not working. Anyway, eventually I relaxed, as does happen when people around you are relaxed. By the end of it all, they both said I did good.
Apparently, I said something good too, they asked me something like, "Why should we hire you?" I blanked and in the split second of silence I blurted out, "Because you need me." And that, worked rather well...apparently. But yeah, so their end comments.
Girl: "You relaxed alot by the end of it all, and to be honest, I like you."
Guy: "Yeah, you're very unique."
So good?
Yeah.
FF13 is causing me to cry a lot. *shameful face* I keep dying in the boss fights...friggin butt surf. I'm still loving it...but c'mon....fighting an Airship? What did they think would happen?!
Sigh....Anyway. I'm off to try it again.
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
Jubilation.
Blerghhhhhh.
That's how i'm feeling..Good, now that you're all caught up with news...
I've gotten a job interview for tomorrow. I hate interviews, they make me all nervous and stuff. I'm notoriously bad for getting sweaty skin for no reason. Usually in someplace unnoticable. My hands are probably the worst out of all them.
Anyway, so it's a job, and I'd love to get it. I'd love to have money. It sure would be nice. Plus my last job, at KFC, was a freakin hellhole. The pay, the work, the people. Minus a select few that is. But yeah, I just didnt like it.
Then I was un-employed for the rest of my school life, which was a further two years really. *Sigh* Anyway, now I sort of need money... Especially if I start Uni in Melbourne next year. It would be awesome to have some money to support myself. Plus I have many friends there. And I love visiting them, but for that, guess what I need? That's right money.
Anywho. I'll get there eventually. My writing is still on hold right now. I just can't get ze urges. Which sucks. The Writers Block ghost is a pain in the ass. I suppose. I am technically writing right now. But it's not exactly helping my block.
And that's it for now. So wish me luck for tomorrow, I'll probably write another blog tomorrow. For update purposes.
Later Alligator.
That's how i'm feeling..Good, now that you're all caught up with news...
I've gotten a job interview for tomorrow. I hate interviews, they make me all nervous and stuff. I'm notoriously bad for getting sweaty skin for no reason. Usually in someplace unnoticable. My hands are probably the worst out of all them.
Anyway, so it's a job, and I'd love to get it. I'd love to have money. It sure would be nice. Plus my last job, at KFC, was a freakin hellhole. The pay, the work, the people. Minus a select few that is. But yeah, I just didnt like it.
Then I was un-employed for the rest of my school life, which was a further two years really. *Sigh* Anyway, now I sort of need money... Especially if I start Uni in Melbourne next year. It would be awesome to have some money to support myself. Plus I have many friends there. And I love visiting them, but for that, guess what I need? That's right money.
Anywho. I'll get there eventually. My writing is still on hold right now. I just can't get ze urges. Which sucks. The Writers Block ghost is a pain in the ass. I suppose. I am technically writing right now. But it's not exactly helping my block.
And that's it for now. So wish me luck for tomorrow, I'll probably write another blog tomorrow. For update purposes.
Later Alligator.
Monday, March 8, 2010
Final Fantasy-Gasm.
Today... The greatest series known to man-kind *In my Opinion* has released their newest familial addition in English, FF13. Today, I bought it. And today. I game-gasmed.
I heard all the reviews possible by australian sources. I was disappointed. None seemed to be able to grasp the game as an entire project. The visuals...Magnificent, the music...Superb. The story...captivating...So yes. I'm a fan-boy. And I understand people have different opinions so I'm not going to focus on those reviews right now.
For me, I've always loved FF. Every new addition I've played and loved. Some people have particular favourites but my tastes as rather flexible and I don't mind changes to system. So the battle/linearity/style of gameplay is all rather different and exciting and new.
The biggest gripe I have, and quite possibly the ONLY gripe I have, is the simple fact that when your Party Leader falls in battle, it's game over. Adding a stressfully difficult component of gameplay.
I've only been playing for roughly 2 hours so far, and I've died once. After that fail, I turned off and made a cup of tea. To calm myself and consult my brain as to how to NOT let that happen again. It wasn't frustration. I was just quizzical.
Plus I've always rushed through games, not really savouring the feel and atmosphere portrayed although, and may I warn you... SPOILERS Ahoy.
SPOILERS!
The moment that Hope's mother dies, actually made me sad, like sad enough to ALMOST cry. Not cry, but almost. It was rather touching.
SPOILERS - End.
But anyway, one last thing I would like to comment on is the voice-acting/english dubbing. I've read a lot, and I mean a lot. Of complaints about english dubbing in almost any game I've played/read about.
I for one, thought it was very enjoyable. I've no problems with the voices, they aren't at all overtly whiny/high-pitched, or atypical for archetype characters. I:E The strong masculine dude with the deep voice, or the angst ridden main character with a voice stuck on melancholic.
Over-all. This game deserves, (so far) a 9 Gysahl Green rating out of ten.. (9 Stars out of ten - for all you non FF-ers.)
Coincedently...why is it we rate things out of stars? What exactly does that have to do with how good something is...I might ponder that for later on.
Later-Gators.
I heard all the reviews possible by australian sources. I was disappointed. None seemed to be able to grasp the game as an entire project. The visuals...Magnificent, the music...Superb. The story...captivating...So yes. I'm a fan-boy. And I understand people have different opinions so I'm not going to focus on those reviews right now.
For me, I've always loved FF. Every new addition I've played and loved. Some people have particular favourites but my tastes as rather flexible and I don't mind changes to system. So the battle/linearity/style of gameplay is all rather different and exciting and new.
The biggest gripe I have, and quite possibly the ONLY gripe I have, is the simple fact that when your Party Leader falls in battle, it's game over. Adding a stressfully difficult component of gameplay.
I've only been playing for roughly 2 hours so far, and I've died once. After that fail, I turned off and made a cup of tea. To calm myself and consult my brain as to how to NOT let that happen again. It wasn't frustration. I was just quizzical.
Plus I've always rushed through games, not really savouring the feel and atmosphere portrayed although, and may I warn you... SPOILERS Ahoy.
SPOILERS!
The moment that Hope's mother dies, actually made me sad, like sad enough to ALMOST cry. Not cry, but almost. It was rather touching.
SPOILERS - End.
But anyway, one last thing I would like to comment on is the voice-acting/english dubbing. I've read a lot, and I mean a lot. Of complaints about english dubbing in almost any game I've played/read about.
I for one, thought it was very enjoyable. I've no problems with the voices, they aren't at all overtly whiny/high-pitched, or atypical for archetype characters. I:E The strong masculine dude with the deep voice, or the angst ridden main character with a voice stuck on melancholic.
Over-all. This game deserves, (so far) a 9 Gysahl Green rating out of ten.. (9 Stars out of ten - for all you non FF-ers.)
Coincedently...why is it we rate things out of stars? What exactly does that have to do with how good something is...I might ponder that for later on.
Later-Gators.
So...Sleep?
My Body-Clock, is for a lack of, completely rogered. It's screwed, if you will. I've spent the last few months staying up late on creative spurs... "Oh, maybe I'll get a whole bunch of writing done!" HA! I've caught you out mister brain lie. This is an endless paradox of bad behaviour. But It doesnt change the fact...I'm still AWAKE. I can't seem to force my brain to shutdown for 8 hours or so.
Sleep...Sleep...I'm going to eventually tumble off into some sort of random slew of phrases. I'm not sure when, but the random beast will strike tonight some time.
There's a bland cup of coffee to his right. A small notepad accompanies it, it's companion pencil sitting idly between loose fingers. The writer clenches his fingers in frustration, the sharp snap of the pencil echoing through the silent room. The noiseless noise, is far too noisy for his liking. He jams some headphones into his tired and sore ears and blasts as much Rock 'n' Roll as possible to drown out the Writers Block.
Sighing, he resigns himself to sleep. Except...he cannot sleep. He brews a fresh cup of coffee and snatches another pencil off his fride door, where he keeps the spares. He sits down infront of the notepad and his hand goes limp...the coffee stale.
That was lovely and productive now wasn't it. I don't even have a cup of coffee here. Hmm *Muses* Perhaps I should make some...Ah...that wouldn't serve my attempt to sleep now would it.
On a sidenote, I haven't ever been to concert in my life. That's rather depressing. I love music. I've also been to festivals as well, but an authentic concert with a headlining band, nope.
Anyway, now that I've written useless garbage I'm gonna whammie off to the land of the lull. Goodnight all.
Sleep...Sleep...I'm going to eventually tumble off into some sort of random slew of phrases. I'm not sure when, but the random beast will strike tonight some time.
There's a bland cup of coffee to his right. A small notepad accompanies it, it's companion pencil sitting idly between loose fingers. The writer clenches his fingers in frustration, the sharp snap of the pencil echoing through the silent room. The noiseless noise, is far too noisy for his liking. He jams some headphones into his tired and sore ears and blasts as much Rock 'n' Roll as possible to drown out the Writers Block.
Sighing, he resigns himself to sleep. Except...he cannot sleep. He brews a fresh cup of coffee and snatches another pencil off his fride door, where he keeps the spares. He sits down infront of the notepad and his hand goes limp...the coffee stale.
That was lovely and productive now wasn't it. I don't even have a cup of coffee here. Hmm *Muses* Perhaps I should make some...Ah...that wouldn't serve my attempt to sleep now would it.
On a sidenote, I haven't ever been to concert in my life. That's rather depressing. I love music. I've also been to festivals as well, but an authentic concert with a headlining band, nope.
Anyway, now that I've written useless garbage I'm gonna whammie off to the land of the lull. Goodnight all.
And the Game of the Week Is...
Okay so, another post. But a bright spark hit me as I wrote the previous post. I'll do a Game of the Week sort of review.
Tomorrow. I will/should, be in possession of Final Fantasy 13, a game I have been waiting for, for a long time. I thought that with my non-existant job, I'd never get a console to be able play the game.
Then I bought myself an XBOX 360. With the help of a friendly grandmother. Odd I know. Anyway, so I will hopefully be getting the game tomorrow and after I've had a decent whack at it. I'll give ya'll a review. Hopefully it'll be insightful. And help anyone decide whether or not to purchase the game.
So yeah. FINAL FANTASY FOR THE WIN!
Tomorrow. I will/should, be in possession of Final Fantasy 13, a game I have been waiting for, for a long time. I thought that with my non-existant job, I'd never get a console to be able play the game.
Then I bought myself an XBOX 360. With the help of a friendly grandmother. Odd I know. Anyway, so I will hopefully be getting the game tomorrow and after I've had a decent whack at it. I'll give ya'll a review. Hopefully it'll be insightful. And help anyone decide whether or not to purchase the game.
So yeah. FINAL FANTASY FOR THE WIN!
And So It Begins....Again....
So I've tried blogging on and off before. On many different types of forums and the like but none have really kept my interest for too long. I'm so much like a hummingbird it's not funny. Well..it's a little funny.
A short introduction I believe is in order. I am a wannabe Writer/Novelist. I've never really stuck through with my long-term projects. At most I've written around about 25 Chapters for one singular novel. I have about 50 Projects on the go at once which can be absolutely terrifying. It's a monolithic task but it's what I aim to achieve one day. To finish them all.
Eh...Fat Chance.
I'm 18... as of recently. And I live in a rather small-ish town. Rather average populace, in both personality and size. I guess I'm not very different. I love the town, but I can't wait to get out one day. I'm currently on my GAP year, and I've been accepted into Deakin University so next year I'm off to the city.
But anyway.
The purpose of my blogging is for several purposes. Priority #1: Is that I at least get some writing down, even if it isn't specifically linked to my novels and such. Priority #2: Is so I can just relax and get my thoughts out into some outlet. Priority #3: Well, I don't really have one.
The reason I write though, is because I love having a world to control because I lack so much of it in my own life. Creating characters is...the writers equivalent of giving birth. They are our creation that we can then control and live through when our lives become mundane. - Specifically fantasy stories.
I write every genre really. But something I've discovered recently is that I LOVE writing game scripts...Yeah. Nerd. I know.
Yet, I've always gamed, and that probably had a lot to do with it. I'll probably update this blog with a side-note about whatever game I'm playing also, along with small excerpts from whatever I'm working on currently.
So yeah, stay tuned...or...linked...or whatever it is that you do. The Writing Bear has risen again! *cough cough*
A short introduction I believe is in order. I am a wannabe Writer/Novelist. I've never really stuck through with my long-term projects. At most I've written around about 25 Chapters for one singular novel. I have about 50 Projects on the go at once which can be absolutely terrifying. It's a monolithic task but it's what I aim to achieve one day. To finish them all.
Eh...Fat Chance.
I'm 18... as of recently. And I live in a rather small-ish town. Rather average populace, in both personality and size. I guess I'm not very different. I love the town, but I can't wait to get out one day. I'm currently on my GAP year, and I've been accepted into Deakin University so next year I'm off to the city.
But anyway.
The purpose of my blogging is for several purposes. Priority #1: Is that I at least get some writing down, even if it isn't specifically linked to my novels and such. Priority #2: Is so I can just relax and get my thoughts out into some outlet. Priority #3: Well, I don't really have one.
The reason I write though, is because I love having a world to control because I lack so much of it in my own life. Creating characters is...the writers equivalent of giving birth. They are our creation that we can then control and live through when our lives become mundane. - Specifically fantasy stories.
I write every genre really. But something I've discovered recently is that I LOVE writing game scripts...Yeah. Nerd. I know.
Yet, I've always gamed, and that probably had a lot to do with it. I'll probably update this blog with a side-note about whatever game I'm playing also, along with small excerpts from whatever I'm working on currently.
So yeah, stay tuned...or...linked...or whatever it is that you do. The Writing Bear has risen again! *cough cough*
